After being bombarded with the news of Madonna's Malawi adoption plans being thwarted over the weekend, I have to confess, I am growing quite tired of all of the overseas adoptions that are taking place, particularly those done by celebrities who mark themselves as being some sort of gateway into goodness for saving these poor children from these poor conditions - blah, blah, blah.
Does anyone have an idea how many children are in the foster system in the United States? Over half-of-a-million. Kids that are thrown from home-to-home, center-to-center, and sometimes used as pawns for extra monthly income and an additional pair of hands to man the farm, do the chores, or take care of business. These are kids who, from birth, were set up to fail either do to financial circumstances, lack of parenting skills, irresponsibility of those put in their charge, drug addictions, and a plethora of other socioeconomic reasons or excuses - depending on how you look at it and who you talk to.
These are the kids that the system just drops at eighteen, prepared or not, for life. These are the kids that end up homeless. These are the kids that end up in jail. These are the kids that have never had a solid foundation in family. They may be kids, not babies, but they still have value and worth -- though I suppose it is hard to feel that way when no one has loved you enough to stay in your life.
So, why doesn't Madonna, in all her wealth and matronly need, adopt one of THESE kids. If Brad and Angelina are so concerned about New Orleans (good Lord, I have grown to hate the two as a New Orleanian) why don't they adopt one of the many kids that are being left behind to go onto a life of crime there? Instead of building houses there (that will just end up flooding and that are driving the lower class out of their own neighborhood - and are ugly to boot) why not donate all of that money and time to saving some of these kids?
Instead of trying to adopt that baby from China or Malawi or Russia or anywhere else, why not adopt a child here? A child that really needs someone.
Oh, I know why. Because they are a child, not a baby.
Comments (25)
the serious issue for adopting in the states- famous or not- is that courts have been returning children to their birth mothers after years of the child being in your home and legally adopted. the odds of that happening if you're famous is even higher. having a child you've bonded with ripped away bc the birth mother changed her mind, or lied, or didn't tell the father or whatever excuse they use is heartbreaking and has made many Americans scared adopt here- children or babies....that doesn't happen with an overseas adoption.
@jerjonji - The father of the Malawi boy Madonna adopted wanted him back at one point.
I do think that courts are getting stricter on this. In trying to be progressive - for lack of a better term - more and more children are not automatically given to their mothers.
it's not the giving to the mother that's the issue- it's the regiving AFTER the child has bonded with a new family that's difficult. would you adopt a child if you knew that in four years his mother could take him back and unless you spent a small fortune in court fees you would lose him forever. it's very hard emotionally- and i'm not saying the child shouldn't go back bc i know that there are lots of cases where the child was taken improperly and should be with his birth mother. i'm just saying - from an adoptive parents point of view- cases like madonna's are very rare while cases of children being returned after being established in a family legally is increasing.
@jerjonji - I guess I am different because I would take the child if he would have to go back. Because while I had him, I could give him something he otherwise wouldn't have. In a way, that is kind of what I do every summer when the other two return to Wisconsin for the rest of the year, but during those three months, I have them and they have me.
that's true and the way you are able to cope with that is amazing. and we've fostered kids too and have had to give them back- but there's something different about not knowing and having to give them back and some of those parents aren't allowed to see the child ever again so that they bond w/their "real" parents- you hand them over to the officer and they drive out of your life forever...
@jerjonji - If my health wasn't what it was, I would love to have some foster children here. I guess being in New Orleans and seeing what happens, it really opened my eyes to what could happen to these kids without anyone, you know?
I urge you to do some research about foster care and adoption in the U.S. It isn't as simple as just going to pick one to adopt. The reason there are kids aging out of our system at 18 is because our system is broken. Good parents are denied the opportunity to adopt because they both work and a caseworker decided little Johnny needs a stay at home mom. Or because they don't both work, and a caseworker decided that little Johnny needs a dual-income family. Or because they aren't the same race as little Johnny (or because they are). You can't just adopt in our system - you have to be a foster parent first. You have to take in children, not knowing if they will even be available to adopt. You have to fight for these kids while the caseworkers tell the judge how horrible you are for fighting for them, you lose a bunch of them and you might end up getting to adopt one. But you might not. And you might spend your life savings fighting for a kid just so he can get sent back to his abusers. Or you'll have a kid in your home for almost a decade, who's parents surrendered their rights, but a judge won't let you adopt for reasons that are never explained, so the kid is yours but still considered a foster child and you have to ask permission every time you want to cut his hair until he's 18. This is why people don't adopt domestically. This is why those who try, so often throw in the towel before they succeed. Please, don't blame the parents who want to help a child - regardless of whether the child is American or African or Asian, they just want to help a child. Blame the system, that makes it nearly impossible to help American children.
It is sad- but I know a lovely couple that would have made amazing parents that wanted to adopt a kid- not a baby, a kid. They fought for it and didn't succeed. Money and emotions ran out. I have heard adopting overseas is much easier if you can afford it. I have heard many times our system here is really flawed and makes it really difficult to adopt.I certainly think it would be beneficial if something were done about it and those poor kids!
radicalramblings is right that the system here is broken and set up in such a way to make it difficult. But that still doesn't address the facts that the well publicized adoptions don't happen in the US. Except Sheryl Crow----> Didn't she adopt a baby here? I don't want to say no celebrities have adopted an American child, because I'm sure they have.
If celebrities were interested in adopting US children, something tells me that they system would work for them anyway.
Obviously anyone who has read my blog for sometime knows how much I know about the system being broken - family court is about who has the most money or what the state is trying to prove -- that doesn't mean these children do not deserve someone to fight for them, though. I had to fight for mine and though I "lost" I still protected Miss E. I guess for me it is about them and not about me.
@apennieformythoughts - @silkenbutterfly - @radicalramblings - Read my reply above -- I was in the middle of talking to the Mister when I wrote it so didn't do the reply thingy.
@windingroadsblindinglights - I am not suggesting the kids here don't "deserve" to be helped. But helping kids here is a very, very different process than adopting a child overseas. You asked why people adopt overseas instead of helping kids here - the answer is because some people are good parents, but know that their own skills and abilities would not make them good advocates for foster children. It's like asking why someone eats an orange instead of an apple. They aren't the same thing at all. Fostering children is very different than adopting a child. Both can be very rewarding experiences - for different people, in different ways.
@apennieformythoughts - Adoptions here are not publicized due to the privacy/confidentiality rules of social services. These are the same rules that caseworkers can hide behind when things go wrong, as well.
I couldn't agree more. I don't intend to have children, but I've always said that if I did decide I wanted children, I would adopt or take care of foster children. I read a study once that showed that children who grow up in foster care have a statistically lower IQ because they usually don't have a specific person who takes the time to make them feel good about their achievements.
thats because they want to get known for it. because they get more of a story with being from another country. i would adopt from here if i did it. ..
this is to radicalramblings....i am a social worker and i work with many kids that have fostered out. I have to kind of agree with Amy on this one. In the state of Louisiana when a child fosters out that is about it. Nothing more nothing less.. Unfortunately I do not of a child service agency that does not have errors and many of them. You are 100 per cent right fostering and adopting are quite different. Unfortunately though when a foster parent makes a faux paus they are basically covered. The child service case manager is not. If that case manager was the primary inspecting agent, she/he is liable and not just be crossed off
nothing is ever good enough. If its American children, why aren't the others being adopted. When the others are adopted, why aren't the American's. A child is a child. Shouldn't we just be grateful that these kids are being loved on? Who CARES where they are from. They just need to be loved.
And how many have YOU adopted or made time for?
@afireinside_me - I have health problems, or else I would be a foster parent. I think it would be irresponsible of me to be a foster mother or adoptive mother and not be able to physically meet the demands that would be necessary to have a large brood, otherwise I would thank you very much. I really care about the children in THIS country who grow up and impact society not only for me, but for my own children. I have lived in the inner city -- actually taught there and volunteer my time to several agencies in New Orleans that work with these children (so I guess MAYBE I DO help in the way that I am ABLE to) and see just how largely this issue impacts us all as a whole.
You are kind of barking up the wrong tree here and you have no idea who exactly you are preaching too. I have lost my infant son to SIDS, so I know the value of a child and the value of losing one. I have to split custody with my two youngest children to protect my oldest from a man that has abused her. I am unselfish enough of a person to know that what is best for children isn't necessarily what I desire.
What do you do?
I raised 3 of my sibblings. Now, I am raising two of my own children. THATS what I do.
@afireinside_me - I am confused as to how raising your own children really benefits the children that I am speaking of in this post, since you did ask me what exactly it is that I do to help these children. Perhaps I am just daft, but wasn't your question to me what exactly it is I do to help these kids or how many of them I have adopted? When I posed the same question back, your answer is you raised your family. Essentially, what you do doesn't help these children in the very least, so I guess I am a bit dumbfounded by your answer to what you are doing to help these kids.
Why is it your place to come to my blog and ask me what it is I do to help these children? I mean, I could understand your inquiry if you were a foster parent or an adoptive parent. I could understand your inquiry if you taught some of these children in your Sunday School class or your niece was a foster kid (don't steal that idea in your rebuttal, I claimed it first) but for someone who concerns themselves with their own family and nothing outside of themselves, it seems a little odd that one would try to questions my motives when you seem to have no motivation except that of your own kind.
It just seems odd to me that someone would essentially try to call someone out for behavior that they exhibit themselves. If I were not someone that worked with these kids, it would be the pot calling the kettle black. You would be the Pot. I would be the Kettle.
i'm not sure why they feel the need to go to other countries.
I think any baby adopted is a blessing, but famous people, sometimes I wonder if its not just for show. At least they have the money, I just hope they have the love.
My family adopted in the US. We were looking for a child, but wound up with an infant. I agree with you that more people should adopt children rather than babies. And I do sometimes wonder if the celebrities just do it for show.
Foster homes can be a wonderful blessing, as I have seen through my family's experience. It is true that sometimes these children get thrown from home to home, but it is better than being out on the streets.
It is a shame that the system drops them at 18. There must be something we can do.
@windingroadsblindinglights - you talk too much. and say too little.
@afireinside_me - Evading questions and throwing really lame insults is answer enough.